A
woman in a class I was teaching once asked a
favor of me. The community where she lived had an
unfortunate ordinance, she explained, which could
result in her losing the lease on her home. Cary
had joined with other residents who could be
affected to lobby for the policy's repeal. She
asked if I would be willing to write a letter to
the town council urging this change. I told her
I'd be glad to help, and promised to get the
letter off quickly.
The following week I caught the
flu, and then with the pressure of other
responsibilities never got around to fulfilling
my promise. About six weeks later Cary brought up
the matter again. Embarrassed, I confessed I had
never followed through and began to offer my lame
excuse, fearing she'd be disappointed with me. To
my surprise she cut me off, saying "Don't
worry, the Lord withheld your hand." She
went on to say that she realized the timing
wouldn't have been right for me to send the
letter. She was glad I'd neglected to write it.
Not only was Cary's response
gracious--and a great relief to me--but it showed
a remarkably broad-minded spirit. By saying
"the Lord withheld your hand," she made
it clear whose hand she believed was controlling
this situation. And she was confident that God
had used my foul-up not to her hurt but to her
benefit.
I doubt a day goes by in your life or
mine when someone doesn't disappoint us. A friend
fails to call when she said she would. A neighbor
forgets to return your rake. A colleague at work
overlooks a lunch date with you. A promised
delivery never arrives.
Or someone fails to live up to
your expectations. Your child brings home a poor
report card. A friend whose spiritual life you
esteem drops out of Bible study. Your spouse
doesn't affirm you as often as you'd like.
Or you experience rejection. A
university turns down your application. A
cherished job opportunity doesn't pan out. A
relationship fizzles.
And there are times when we
suffer actual injustice at the hands of others.
Your boss blames you for a problem that wasn't
your fault. A repairman charges you for work not
done. Someone sideswipes your car and drives on.
When others let us down, it's
normal not only to feel hurt but to think that
our destiny has somehow been thwarted. We fear
we've been cheated out of benefits which should
rightfully be ours. It's the rare moment of faith
when we consider that God may see things
differently.
Considering the Long-Term
Results
More typically, we feel that God
has pulled the rug out from under us. We're
especially inclined to feel this way if we've
prayed for a response from a certain person which
hasn't occurred. We feel cheated not only by that
person but by God as well. We figure that if God
were really on our side, he wouldn't have let
this person disappoint us. After all, he
ultimately has control over all human affairs,
and he has promised to answer the prayers of his
faithful.
But Scripture constantly
emphasizes that God takes the long view in
looking after our welfare. This means that at
times he will allow us to be disappointed in the
short run for the sake of long-run benefits.
The Bible never promises that God
will shield us from all possibility of being
disappointed by others--even if we're walking
fully in his will. Nor does it suggest that God
should be expected to override someone else's
free will and cause a quick change in the way
that person treats us, simply because we've
prayed. Genuine change in behavior takes time.
And God follows his own timetable in changing a
person's heart. The brothers of Joseph, in the
Genesis story, are a case in point. So is the
Egyptian Pharaoh whom Moses petitioned on behalf
of the Israelites.
Consider, too, that while Jesus
consistently granted requests for personal
healing during his earthly ministry, he generally
refused petitions to make a sudden change in one
person's conduct toward another. He denied a
man's request that he persuade the man's brother
to share his inheritance, for instance (Lk
12:13-14), and Martha's plea that he exhort Mary
to help her (Lk 10:38-42).
God will not necessarily bring an
immediate change in someone's behavior toward us
in response to our prayer. We should, by all
means, continue to raise such requests boldly to
God, and trust that he will answer them as he
sees best. Yet we can take comfort in knowing
that if people don't treat us as we've prayed
they would, it doesn't mean God has turned his
back on us. It's more likely that our
expectations have been unrealistic.
We can take even greater comfort
in the clear and unequivocal teaching of
Scripture, that God uses all of the actions of
others toward us--whether for good or ill--to
further his best intentions for us.
What Joseph's Example Teaches
Us
It's here that the example of
Joseph is so instructive. No one in Scripture had
better reason for being resentful toward family
members than he did. His brothers hated him so
greatly that they sold him to slave traders, who
carried him to Egypt and sold him there. Through
a unique series of events, including several
years in prison, Joseph became second-in-command
to Pharaoh and director of a masterful famine
relief effort. A severe food shortage ravaged the
Mideast, and Joseph's brothers traveled to Egypt
seeking grain. Some twenty years after selling
him into bondage they stood before him humbly
seeking his help, having no inkling he was their
flesh and blood.
At this point Joseph had one of
the most exceptional opportunities for revenge
one could imagine. Yet he found it within himself
not only to forgive his brothers radically from
the heart--well before they asked him to--but to
encourage them to move their families en masse to
Egypt. There he provided lavishly for them for
the remainder of their lives.
Joseph's astonishing capacity to
forgive his iron-hearted kin sprang from an
unusually deep trust that God was controlling his
life--using even calamities to bring about his
good purpose. At the moment when revenge could
have been the sweetest, he swept away all basis
by declaring to his brothers, "Do not be
distressed and do not be angry with yourselves
for selling me here, because it was to save lives
that God sent me ahead of you . . . to preserve
for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives
by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you
who sent me here, but God" (Gen 45:5-8 NIV).
Some years later when their
father Jacob died, his brothers feared that
Joseph might cave in to repressed revenge. But
with additional years of hindsight he insisted
even more emphatically, "Don't be afraid. Am
I in the place of God? You intended to harm me,
but God intended it for good to accomplish what
is now being done, the saving of many lives. So
then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and
your children" (Gen 50:19-21).
What makes Joseph's attitude so
enviable is that its redemptive impact was so
pervasive. The benefit to Joseph alone was
substantial. We don't sense that he was being
eaten up with bitterness during his years in
exile. Resentment would have consumed much of his
creative energy. Yet he displayed social and
practical skills which won the respect of the
jailkeeper, the king's servants and ultimately
Pharaoh himself. This suggests that he managed to
stay optimistic during much of this time.
Then there was the extensive
benefit to the people of Egypt and the
surrounding world--the saving of thousands of
lives. Finally, there were extraordinary benefits
to his own family: Joseph and his brothers were
reconciled; his brothers matured remarkably;
numerous members of his extended family were
saved from starvation.
The Promise and the Challenge
The message, then, is one of
indescribable encouragement for us who follow
Christ. Here in the beginning of Scripture we're
shown that God uses even the most adverse actions
of others to our benefit and to bring about his
best purposes for us. It is foundational to faith
in Christ to embrace this belief in the
wholehearted way which Joseph did.
When others disappoint us, we can
trust there are hidden benefits. In time, with
the marvelous advantage of hindsight, these will
become evident. Such confidence in God's
providence will lead not only to deeper personal
joy but to greater effectiveness in our work for
Christ. And the impact of our attitude will be
felt by many.
Yet we come back to the fact that
this sort of outlook is difficult to achieve. It
is not a natural way of thinking but a
challenging perspective of faith. How, then, do
we do it?
The most helpful step we can take
is to confront our frustrations during our daily
devotional time. Spending time in quiet,
prayerful reflection about our struggles and
disappointments with other people can make all
the difference. If someone has disappointed us,
we should strive to think of ways God may use
that letdown to our benefit. We should remind
ourselves that God has the best in mind for us,
and that what we view as a setback may be seen
quite differently by him. It's important, too, to
pray for patience and the fullest measure of
wisdom God is willing to give us.
It also helps to try to
understand the motives of those who disappoint
us. It may be that their behavior had nothing to
do with disliking us but resulted from personal
weakness or extenuating circumstances. Even if
they really did want to hurt us, this doesn't
mean they will always feel this way toward us.
God may change their hearts, as he did with
Joseph's brothers. Our ability to forgive them
and believe the best for them can help that to
happen.
This isn't to say that we should
never express disappointment or anger to someone
else. There are times when confronting someone is
necessary not only for our own emotional health
but for their growth as well. Love must be tough
at times. God never expects us to be a doormat to
anyone. We need to learn to be appropriately
assertive, to own our feelings, to stand firm for
what God has called us to do even when others are
not supportive. This is all very important.
First Things First
Yet our greatest need--far and
away--is to appreciate God's creative sovereignty
in our life and his infinite concern for us. When
that perspective is right, our negative feelings
toward others often dissolve. Genuine forgiveness
becomes possible. And when confronting someone is
necessary, we are able to do it in a more
relaxed, confident spirit.
The bottom line is that God is
not our adversary but our friend. We can't remind
ourselves of this too often. If the example of
Joseph isn't convincing enough, he has given us
his clear promise in Romans 8:28: "We know
that in all things God works for the good of
those who love him, who have been called
according to his purpose." And to make the
point even more emphatically, Paul reiterates it
in different words three verses later: "If
God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rom
8:31).
The friendship of Christ is the
overriding factor that touches every relationship
and encounter of life. In this matter he has not
withheld his hand.
|
