A
friend once told me that he had let go of a major
dream. When he was young, his parents had
promised him that they would one day move from
their plush, suburban home, and allow him to
purchase it at a nominal price. For nearly twenty
years Nate looked forward to the day when he
could move his family there. Though only a short
distance from where he now lived, it would be a
big improvement in house size and yard space, and
a much quieter neighborhood setting. And he would
still have easy access to his city job.
But then Nate and his wife,
Sherry, decided to consider a more radical change
in lifestyle. They were attracted to a modest
home for sale in the distant suburbs, which was
close to recreational pursuits they enjoyed. They
could reduce their living expenses by moving
there, and with a smaller house to care for,
would have more time for other activities.
It seemed like the right move for
them. But while they were weighing this
possibility, Nate's parents announced that they
were finally ready to move on to the next chapter
in their lives. Nate could now buy their home. It
was a wrenching decision for Nate and Sherry.
After much consideration they decided to tell
Nate's parents no. While disappointing his folks
was difficult enough, Nate confessed there was a
greater challenge: "The hardest part was
admitting to myself that I no longer
wanted to do this."
Knowing my friend to be an
unusually tenacious soul, I was impressed with
his willingness to abandon a long-time desire in
light of his new priorities. This showed
remarkable maturity, for stubbornness could
easily have kept him from changing course.
The Challenge of Staying
Flexible
Nate's experience reminds us not
only of the need for staying flexible as we plan
our lives, but of the challenge involved in doing
so. Our goals and aspirations, no matter how well
thought out, are always based upon limited
information. Each day brings with it new
insights, and the need for changing our outlook
at least slightly. From time to time our
understanding has grown to the point where a
major mid-course correction is indicated. Yet
letting go of old ambitions can be the most
difficult part of changing directions. Pride,
stubbornness, or the conviction that we must be
true to ourselves, can keep us bound to a dream
that we've outgrown.
A critical part of maturing is
learning to adjust our dreams to account for
reality as we now know it. As I heard a pastor
aptly express it in a sermon, "Life is a
continual process of revising the map."
This is a
principle which every successful person in
business learns. An article in Nation's
Business notes, "Almost without
exception, the eventual performance of a
prospective business will be influenced by
external factors over which the business has
little or no control."*
Businesses which are able to adjust to changing
market conditions survive and prosper. Those that
insist on continuing to dispense a product or
service which is no longer needed--or that others
are providing more effectively--lose their edge
and go under.
This same
principle applies to relationships. We bring into
friendships and fellowship experiences a
"wish dream," as Bonhoeffer terms it in
Life Together,
which can never be realized. Finding meaningful
friendship requires that we let go of our
expectations of what others should be like
and learn to love them as they are. The same is
true with romance. Some adjusting of our image of
the ideal partner is always needed if we are to
find a suitable companion or build a healthy
marriage.
Finding God's best for any area
of our life always requires some revising of the
map.
Locking God in--And Ourselves
As obvious as this principle may
seem to be, it's one which Christians have a
particularly hard time appreciating. Many carry
an idea about God's guidance which makes it
difficult to be flexible. They assume that when
God guides us, he provides a revelation of our
future. This notion is reflected in popular
language used to speak of God's guidance: he
provides a "call" to a
vocation--suggesting an obligation laid on us for
life. Or he gives us a "vision" for our
life.
It's a small step from this idea
to thinking that our dreams of the future are
inspired by God--to the extent that they are
revelations--and thus a mandate to be followed.
To renege on them is to disobey God and show that
we lack faith that he will bring them to pass.
It's hard enough to rethink our life's direction
without this perspective on God's guidance. With
it, revising the map becomes even more difficult.
I remember a Christian couple who
were convinced God had revealed to them that they
would come to own a certain house that was for
sale, even though it was well beyond their
financial limits. Even after it sold to someone
else, they continued to assume that they would
one day be the owners.
While some Christians insist on
holding onto dreams beyond a reasonable point,
others become disillusioned when their plans
don't work out. A highly respected pastor told me
that he was deeply frustrated over the failure of
a radio ministry he had attempted to launch.
"I carefully followed all the procedures for
discerning God's will, and am certain that the
Lord led me to do this," he said. Yet he
encountered unexpected problems and was compelled
to abandon the project. He couldn't understand
why it failed, considering the clear guidance he
had received. He felt that God and the Christian
community had let him down.
The Dynamic Factor in Guidance
One certainly cannot blame the
Christian couple for setting their heart on what
appeared to be their dream home. Nor can one
fault the pastor for following what seemed to be
God's will, then feeling disappointed when his
efforts weren't successful. Yet both the couple
and the pastor held a concept of God's guidance
which set them up for disillusionment.
In truth, Scripture gives little
support to the idea that God reveals our future
when he guides us. Both the Old and New
Testaments picture him as One who guides
incrementally, in a step-by-step fashion. This is
stated in beautifully symbolic language in Psalm
119:105: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and
a light for my path." When you walk through
the woods on a dark evening carrying a lantern or
flashlight, the illumination is merely enough for
taking the next step. Only after you take that
step, do you have light for the step beyond. But
that is all you need.
This suggests that reassessment
will often be needed in finding God will. This is
a liberating perspective, for it will keep us
from the presumption of the Christian couple who
couldn't let go of their dream to own the home.
It will also save us from the severe crisis of
faith which the pastor experienced. I don't
believe that the setbacks he encountered implied
that he had misread God's will in beginning the
radio ministry. They simply meant that
reevaluation was now needed. God may have brought
him to this point not to help him succeed in this
particular endeavor, but to give him enough light
to understand a new and better direction to take
from there.
This isn't to say that
determination is unimportant in the Christian
life. We should always move forward
enthusiastically in view of the light that we
have (Eph 5:17). Yet we shouldn't become
unsettled when new insight suggests a change in
direction. We should take heart, rather, that
we're not locked into an outmoded understanding
of God's will, but can move forward as he throws
fresh light on our path.
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