During
my third year of college, I applied for a
student-teacher position with a business
statistics class. I had done well in the course
and was eager to get the job.
The professor responded that he
was certain I wouldn't be effective in this role
because of a character flaw shown by . . . my
handwriting. He prided himself in being an
amateur handwriting analyst, he explained. He had
found that my sloppy scrawl on tests revealed an
impulsive quirk in my personality which would
keep me from being a good teacher.
It was probably my greatest
disappointment as a business major. The
statistics professor was one of the most
respected teachers in the school, and for him to
tell me I was incapable of teaching was
tantamount to receiving a divine oracle.
Today, over thirty years later, I
still have plenty of impulsive quirks, and my
handwriting is worse than ever. Yet my career
centers around teaching. I take no pride in
saying this, for I don't regard teaching as a
higher calling than any other, and I wouldn't
pretend to judge my effectiveness as a teacher.
But I do enjoy teaching immensely, and God has
enabled me to make a profession out of work that
I love.
Whether or not I was capable of
handling that teaching position as a college
junior, I don't know. But I do believe my teacher
jumped to a conclusion about me, for without
knowing me well, he based a broad assumption
about my ability upon one characteristic. Yet
human potential is much more complex than this,
and no one should be judged so quickly and
easily. Unfortunately it happens far too often.
And the consequences for us who are labeled can
be most unfortunate.
I shudder to think what would
have happened if I had taken my professor's
assessment permanently to heart and never
considered teaching again. I consider it one of
God's greatest acts of kindness to me that he
later brought others into my life who encouraged
me to give teaching a try.
Instant Opinions
We face a delicate challenge when
it comes to discovering our potential and the
directions God wants us to take with our life. On
the one hand, we need the counsel and
encouragement of other people, and we need it
desperately. We have blind spots as we look at
our life, and others sometimes see our potential
better than we do. Their help is critical in
resolving our major life choices; Scripture
couldn't be clearer about this.
Yet others, like ourselves, are
fallible. While they can provide invaluable
insight into ourselves and God's will, they can
also misjudge us, sometimes quite seriously.
At one extreme, people label us
unfairly for purely selfish reasons. When this
happens, their motives often give them away, and
we have no trouble recognizing that we've been
stigmatized. Such labeling is always unsettling
when we experience it; yet if we're fortunate, we
learn to take it in stride and consider the
source. We know that some people are simply
biased, and their opinion of us isn't worth
taking to heart.
Yet well-intentioned people who
desire the best for us can also label us
unfairly. We're less likely to recognize it
happening in this case, and the label is more
likely to stick. One reason such innocent
labeling occurs is because of the difficulty some
have in letting go of first impressions. This
includes people whom we would assume are too
intelligent and enlightened to rush to judgment.
Studies in the social sciences, however, have
shown that the tendency to make snap judgments
and hold on to them can actually increase
with a person's intelligence.
Researcher Richard Ruth explains:
"When
you come upon a situation or idea, you
usually make an instant judgment as to
whether you like or dislike it. Your judgment
may be based upon your values, your emotional
state at the moment, or your past experience
with a similar situation. You then use your
mind to defend that snap judgment. The more
intelligent you are, the more strongly you
are able to convince yourself that your
instant judgment is correct--and the more
difficult it becomes . . . to reverse your
snap decisions."*
Ruth's insight helps explain why
even someone who is trained in understanding
human nature, such as a professional counselor,
may be prone to making quick judgments of people
and not letting go of them easily. Their
education and experience increases their
confidence that their initial assumptions are
correct. Most counselors learn to overcome the
tendency to label, to be sure, and reserve
judgment until they know someone well. But,
occasionally, some are too heavily swayed by
first impressions.
From time to time it happens to
each of us: Someone whom we would least expect--a
counselor, a favorite teacher, a pastor, a
respected coworker or employer--forms a negative
impression of us and holds on to it in spite of
convincing evidence that it's wrong. Because of
our esteem for this person, we may feel
irreverent even questioning their opinion of us
and trusting our own judgment above theirs. Yet
if their view of us differs strongly from how we
believe God sees our life, we shouldn't feel
compelled to accept it. In spite of their wisdom
and best intentions, they may have labeled us. We
shouldn't hesitate to get further opinions, and
we may be relieved to find that others who are
equally competent see us quite differently.
Still-Life Pictures
There is another reason
well-meaning people can label us unfairly, and
it's the problem of familiarity. Those who
have known us the longest and best may find it
hardest to believe that significant change has
taken place in our life. They are holding on to
an outdated image of us, that once fit us but no
longer does. Parents, siblings and old friends
may still picture us as we were growing up, and
fail to appreciate the qualities that make us
different now.
This is precisely the problem
Jesus faced when he returned to his home town of
Nazareth. Those who had known him the best as a
youth had the greatest difficulty appreciating
his divine mission as a grown man. "'Isn't
this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the
brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't
his sisters here with us?' And they took offense
at him" (Mark 6:3 NIV).
This isn't to say that family
members and old friends can never see us
dynamically. In many cases, they do; and when
they do, their counsel and encouragement in our
important decisions can be invaluable. But
familiarity can be a problem in long-term
relationships which keeps others from
appreciating how we've grown and our potential
for taking new directions with our life.
Peeling Off Labels
It's unfortunate enough when
others make snap judgments of us, and even more
so when they hold on to them. The real tragedy,
though, is when we end up believing the labels
that others put on us. We shouldn't underestimate
how easy it is to do this. Goliath convinced an
entire army of Israelite soldiers that they were
incapable of combatting him. Surely there were
many among them who had the same skill with a
sling that David had. But Goliath implied through
his mocking that they were cowardly and
incompetent fighters, and the label stuck (1 Sam
17).
The fact that labeling occurs
shouldn't discourage us from seeking counsel in
our major life choices. Yet it should caution us
to listen constructively to the counsel we
receive. Just as we need people to point out our
own blind spots and, as I like to say, to be
"editors" in our life, we need to be
good editors of the advice others give us. Here
are some steps that can help us do this:
 Get
second opinions. Remember
that counselors, professors--even we pastors--can
be wrong. Scripture declares there is strength in
a multitude of counselors (Prov 11:4,
15:22, 24:6). If someone's advice strongly
challenges what you believe to be God's leading,
don't feel bound to accept it. Find out what
others think. God may be trying to strengthen
your resolve to move ahead in the face of
discouragement. In any big decision, God is
likely to give you those who tell you to go for
it and those who tell you to hold back. Make your
choice only after getting counsel from a number
of responsible people.
Be
assertive. If you believe
someone is judging you unfairly, tell that person
so, courteously of course. God may bring you both
to a deeper point of understanding. When Saul
told David that he was too inexperienced to fight
Goliath, David politely responded that because he
had successfully fought fierce animals as a
shepherd and had faith in God, he was confident
he could defeat the giant. Saul wasn't offended
by David's assertiveness but persuaded by it, and
gave him permission to go ahead (1 Sam.
17:32-37).
Strengthen
your faith in Christ. When we
look at the people in Scripture who were able to
see beyond the labels others put on them, to the
point of taking courageous steps of faith, they
were always those who walked closely with God.
Labeling is so common in so many of our work
situations, for instance, that apart from
Christ's help, we're likely to be adversely
affected by it. Take time daily to be renewed in
him.
Be
involved with other Christians who are positive
about you. It was through the
encouragement of Christian friends who believed
in me and wanted God's best for my life that I
found the courage to do what I thought I
couldn't--teach! Yes, Christians can label us as
readily as anyone. Yet when Christian friends
love us and see our life dynamically, they can be
a powerful channel of God's wisdom and
encouragement to us. Some of the most important
help God gives us in understanding his will for
our life comes through such people.
Take advantage of the best
opportunities available to you for Christian
friendship and fellowship. Believe that through
your involvement with other Christians God will
give you special help to peel away labels and
discover how to best invest your life for Christ.
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