Recently
a friend of mine, Jennifer, reached an impasse in
a relationship. She has dated Brad for over two
years, hoping to eventually marry him. Yet they
had a serious talk, and Brad conceded that even
though they are both in their mid-thirties, he
isn't ready yet for a lifetime commitment. While
he didn't rule out the possibility at some future
point, he knew he wasn't ready for marriage at
this time.
Although Brad's response was far
from a full-scale rejection, it flew like a
mountain of sand in the face of Jennifer's
expectations for the relationship and seemed to
her like a death sentence. Worst of all, she felt
cursed by the heavens. "I just don't
understand the hand of God in this," she
complained. "I've never been in a
relationship where I've tried more diligently to
honor God and follow his principles. And it seems
that God has given me so many reasons for hope
during the time I've dated Brad. But now it
appears he has simply set me up to shoot me down.
I just don't believe that God has dealt fairly
with me."
Jennifer's feelings of
discouragement are only too understandable.
Disappointments in relationships are among the
most painful experiences we suffer. There are few
of us who wouldn't feel dejected in similar
circumstances. Yet her hurt was intensified by
the conclusions she reached about God's role in
what happened. She read these circumstances to
mean that God had turned against her; worse
still, he was treating her unjustly.
I talk with many Christians who
have fallen into an outlook similar to
Jennifer's. They've concluded that God is
unconcerned with helping them, even that he
wishes to punish and harm them. Sometimes such
thinking is merely temporary--part of the
catharsis of coming to terms with a personal
loss. Yet all too frequently it becomes an
abiding way of interpreting what God is doing in
their experience.
The tragedy is that when we
conclude that God isn't treating us fairly in one
situation, it's only a small jump to thinking he
cannot be trusted with anything else. Optimism
about our future fades, and we lose the courage
to take steps of faith. I find this to be the
state of affairs with numerous Christians today,
even some with considerable doctrinal
understanding. When it comes to considering the
role of God in their lives, they get locked into
pessimism.
Half-Empty or Half-Full?
There are exceptions, though, and
some truly inspiring ones at that. Consider the
experience another friend, Nelson, recently
shared with me.
As Nelson was pulling into a
parking space at his office in Washington, D.C.,
a rear tire dropped off of his car. Just one week
before, while he was visiting his family in
Illinois, an auto clinic had overhauled the axle.
Now Nelson faced the unhappy prospect of hassling
with a repair facility 600 miles away which had
done shoddy work--and the likelihood of another
costly repair here in Washington. Not to mention
the aggravation and expense of finding
transportation in the interim, since he was
bereft of his only car.
Nelson's instinctive reaction was
not anger but awe. "I was astounded to think
that I had driven all the way from Illinois with
a faulty axle and nothing happened," he
said. "If it had snapped at high speed on an
interstate, I could have been killed." He
then added, almost as an afterthought, that he
found it impossible to feel much anxiety over how
he would afford another major repair. "The
same God who protected my life in this incident
will provide the money needed to fix my
car," he explained.
Both Jennifer and Nelson
experienced significant personal setbacks which
led them to reflect about God's purpose in what
had happened. But while Jennifer concluded that
God had turned against her, Nelson assumed God
had done him a favor. Their conclusions could
hardly have been farther apart.
I should hasten to say that I do
not condemn Jennifer for her reaction. She is
making the effort to think things through from
the standpoint of her relationship with Christ,
and I admire her honesty. She is a new Christian,
and with her openness to expressing honestly what
she is thinking and feeling, she may well work
things through to a more positive perspective.
Yet while I respect Jennifer's
way of thinking, I envy Nelson's. His is
the sort of intensely hopeful outlook which I
long to have characterize my own life and wish to
hold out as a role model to others.
One reason I envy Nelson's manner
of thinking is that I know the benefits this sort
of outlook brings. When we're viewing God's work
in our lives optimistically, we feel encouraged;
our anxieties are lifted, we regain a sense of
hope, we start seeing hidden serendipities in
otherwise frustrating circumstances. Often, too,
we see solutions to problems that seem
insurmountable when we're thinking less
optimistically.
The effects of this optimism
spill over into many areas of our lives. Nelson's
experience with the car has even had a positive
effect on the way he looks at relationships.
Though he recently went through a difficult
breakup, he is viewing the situation positively
now, convinced that God kept him from a lifetime
commitment with someone who was not compatible
with him. "I'm confident that a God who
loves me this much will provide for my
relationship needs too," he added. This
confidence has spurred him to become more active
socially, and he is seeing opportunities for
relationships which he hadn't recognized before.
A Basis for Optimism
But while I envy Nelson's
perspective because of its benefits, I admire it
most of all because it seems to represent so well
the attitude of heart which the Scriptures term faith.
Throughout the Bible we are urged to view God and
his involvement in our lives through the eyes of
faith. Though the concept of faith is never
defined precisely in Scripture, it always seems
to imply optimism--even blazing optimism--about
what God is doing in our experience. The basis
for this optimism includes not only the facts of
Christ's salvation, forgiveness and empowering,
but also the fact of God's protection and
provision in our lives individually. The
Scriptures stress that he is working out a
distinctive plan for each of us, with our best
interests and his highest intentions in mind. To
say the least, this is a basis for considerable
optimism.
This isn't to say that optimism
in Scripture knows no bounds. The Bible has
plenty to say about the other side of the coin
and never comes close to a
"don't-worry-be-happy" philosophy.
Grief has an important place and is even
recommended when one is coming to terms with a
major loss (Acts 8:2). We're warned against
falling into unrealistic fantasies which keep us
from taking proper responsibility for our lives
(Judg 18:27; 2 Thess 3:6-13). And we're urged to
respect the power of sin and to fear the
inevitable consequences if we cave in to its
enticements. The man who is considering an affair
with someone else's wife will be served well by a
healthy dose of pessimism (Prov 7:6-27). So will
the woman who is convinced she can achieve
salvation by her own efforts (Rom 3:23).
Still, when it comes to
considering the work of God in our lives as
Christians, the accent in Scripture is strongly
on optimism. This optimism is at the heart of
what the Bible means by faith.
Scripture minces no words in
stressing that faith is central to our ability to
relate to God on every level. It is hard to
exaggerate the emphasis given to the need for
faith in Scripture. Next to the triumph of grace,
the importance of faith is the most significant
and pervasive theme in the Bible. While we are
saved by grace, it is grace through faith
(Eph 2:8; Rom 3:22-25; Rom 5:1; Gal 3:26; 2 Tim
3:15). We are called not merely to obey God but
to the obedience of faith (Rom 1:5; 16:26;
Heb 11). It is through faith that we become
righteous before God (Rom 3:22; Phil 3:9), enjoy
a personal relationship with Christ (Eph 3:17),
are enabled to pray effectively (Eph 3:12), and
become able to understand otherwise puzzling
matters of doctrine (Heb 11:3). We experience
God's protection through faith (1 Pet 1:15) and
put ourselves in position to enjoy all of the
other benefits that he extends to us (Gal 3:22;
Heb 6:12).
Indeed, the writer of Hebrews
states it most inclusively in saying,
"Without faith it is impossible to please
God" (Heb 11:6).
Transferable Faith
Given the extraordinary extent to
which Scripture extols faith and our need for it,
it is important for us as Christians to give
close and frequent attention to what an attitude
of faith is and to whether our life is reflecting
it. Far too often our instinctive reaction to
challenges is like Jennifer's rather than
Nelson's. We each have an ongoing, chronic and
desperate need for the rekindling of our faith
and for experiencing the optimism which faith
inspires.
But how do we do it? It is here
that Nelson's example is so instructive. He
followed a simple line of reasoning: If God has
proven trustworthy in one circumstance, he can be
trusted in another.
I am certain
that this ability to transfer the lessons learned
from one experience to another is at the heart of
all successful living. This principle is the
basis for the counsel offered by Richard Bolles
in his classic job-seeking manual, What Color Is Your
Parachute? Bolles urges us to see our
skills as "transferable." If you've
been successful as a waiter, for instance, you've
learned abilities which can be employed in more
challenging situations. You've developed
interpersonal and communication skills which
could be used in management or teaching
positions.
Just as we need to see our
talents as transferable, we also should regard
our experiences of faith as being so. We should
strive to remember the lessons learned about
God's faithfulness in one situation and apply
them in new circumstances. While this may seem to
be an elementary point, it's not at all natural
for us to think in this way. Consider that on
numerous occasions Jesus had to re-teach his
disciples lessons they had already learned and
should have been applying in new situations.
Thus, when crossing a lake they were desperately
concerned about where their next meal would come
from, even though they had helped Jesus
miraculously feed a crowd of thousands of people
earlier that same day (Mk 8:14-21).
On the positive side, David is an
inspiring example of how the lessons of faith can
be transferred from one situation to another in
his decision to fight Goliath. He assumed that
God would give him success because of the
protection he had experienced in shepherding.
"The Lord who delivered me from the paw of
the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me
from the hand of this Philistine," David
concluded (1 Sam 17:37).
This is the manner of thinking we
need to apply to all the challenges we face. This
is the sort of thinking that's at the heart of
authentic faith. For each of us it boils down to
an exceedingly encouraging point: The same God
who has supported us in the past, who met the
needs of those in Scripture, who faithfully takes
care of so many people whom we know--this same
God will protect us in all our challenges and
provide for us as we take steps of faith. There
is scarcely a more significant thought we can
grasp than this. Let us take great encouragement
from it and be inspired to live courageously.
*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Addendum:
The man whom I refer to as
"Nelson" in this article is really my
friend Ron Hochstetler, the name changed to
protect the innocent. It seemed fitting to
feature this article for this edition--which was
originally part of chapter one of my The Optimism Factor
(1994)--for Ron was married this past weekend
(July 29, 2000) to Paula Bline. Their match is an
exceptionally good one, and waiting was truly
worth it for this forty-six-year-old man. God has
different timetables for each of us, and Ron's
example inspires us to be patient and hopeful as
we seek God's best.
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