Christian
psychiatrist Paul Tournier writes about one of
his most humiliating experiences, which occurred
when he spoke at a university assembly. "I
felt right from the first word that I was not
going to make contact with my audience. I clung
to my notes and laboriously recited with growing
nervousness what I had to say. As the audience
left I could see my friends slipping hurriedly
away. . . . On the way home in my car with my
wife, I burst into tears."*
The next day a professor of
philosophy phoned him and said that Tournier's
talk was indeed the worst he had ever heard. But
he added that he had sat through countless
erudite lectures in his lifetime which left no
impression on him, yet somehow he was drawn to
Tournier. A lasting friendship between the two
developed, which resulted in the professor's
becoming a Christian. Tournier came to look back
upon the disastrous lecture as one of the great
successes of his life.
His experience reminds us that
God so often sees success and failure in
different terms than we do. One of the most
unfortunate effects of failure is the pessimistic
outlook it brings on. We start imagining all
sorts of dreadful consequences resulting from our
bungled effort. Ironically, our failure may be a
success in God's mind, contributing in a most
positive way to our future and to his intentions
for our life.
I think of several
disappointments in dating which I had when I was
single, where relationships didn't develop as I
wished. In each case my sense of failure was so
overwhelming that I saw my future cast in
concrete as a miserable, lonely person. Today I
look on those experiences quite differently. Not
only did I learn volummes, but the no's--so
painful to hear at the time--eventually cleared
the way for a yes from one who was much better
suited to be my life mate.
Losing the Battle
There are, to be sure, times when
failure is more than just a perceived experience.
There are times when we have clearly fallen short
not only of our own standards but of God's. Here
it becomes especially difficult to feel positive
about failure.
A military defeat of the
Israelites in Joshua 7 is instructive. The Jews
have experienced many successes in battle under
Joshua and have become headstrong. Now they
decide to take on Ai with only a few thousand
soldiers, greatly underestimating their
opponent's strength. In addition, they don't know
that one of their number, Achan, has taken some
"devoted" items from a previous
battle--items which God commanded destroyed--thus
arousing his wrath against Israel.
Ai chases back Israel's army and
kills thirty-six men--a relatively minor
defeat--but "the hearts of the [Israelites]
melted and became like water" (v. 5).
Joshua, devastated, wallows on the ground and
prays, "Ah, Sovereign LORD, why did you ever
bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us
into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? . .
. The Canaanites and the other people of the
country will hear about this and will surround us
and wipe our name from the earth (vv. 6-9).
God doesn't debate Joshua's
predictions of doom, but gives him practical
instruction: he is to rid Israel of the one who
has taken the devoted things. Joshua obeys. Then
God tells him to take all the fighting men
and attack Ai again. This time Israel has a
resounding victory.
The Israelites gained two
immeasurable benefits from their defeat with Ai:
a deeper awareness of where they were vulnerable
to sinning against God, and a sharper
understanding of the logistics necessary to rout
a formidable foe. When they repented, and put
their new insights into action, they became
remarkably successful at a point of previous
failure.
Winning the War
When we know we have displeased
God, we're often tempted to remain at the
wallowing stage. Like Joshua, we cannot see past
our failure, and all our thoughts are colored by
it. "God intends to keep punishing me, and
the whole future is on a roll against me,"
we suppose. At such times we must put into
practice everything we know about repentance and
the grace and forgiveness of Christ.
But we must also take into
account everything we know about the creative
power of God. He is speaking to us as he did to
Joshua, telling us to learn what we can from our
failure and move on. Through failure we can gain
vital insights into ourselves--our strengths and
limitations--which may not come any other way.
And, as Tournier's experience
reminds us, failure may have more than just
educational value. The failure may in fact be a
success which we don't yet recognize. There are
times when we don't live up to our own
expectations but fulfill God's quite well.
All of this is not to suggest
that we should ever court failure. As Christians
we're called to excellence and diligence in what
we do. But too often the fear of failure keeps us
from taking the risks necessary to build
relationships and develop our potential for
Christ.
In their
popular book In Search
of Excellence, Thomas Peters and
Robert Waterman note that the most productive
American corporations encourage their employees
to be comfortable with failing. A certain number
of failures are necessary to produce an effective
product or to make a breakthrough in research.
Without the freedom to fail, creativity is
stifled. So, in the workplace, and in our daily
lives, failing can be a good thing--a necessary
means toward our growth and eventual success.
And how much more is this true
with our service for Christ! There are few
principles of the Christian life more important
to learn. We must not fail at this point.
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