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Sometimes
when counseling someone about a decision, I’ll give this simple
advice: Trust your judgment. I may add
something like: You are in a better position to decide this
matter than you realize. Make the choice that seems best to you,
and believe that it is the right path to take. Yes, trust your
judgment.
There are two situations where I’m
particularly inclined to offer this counsel. One is when someone
has made a respectable effort to work through a decision, yet
cannot muster the courage to finally resolve it. A common
example is a man (or woman) in a long-term relationship who
cannot decide whether to go ahead with marriage. The
relationship may be a solid, supportive one, and there may
excellent reasons to choose to marry. The person may even be
reasonably convinced that marriage is the right choice. Still,
he hesitates, fearful that he isn’t seeing things as clearly as
he should. This is someone who needs to be strongly reassured of
his ability to make a good decision.
Another person who needs this assurance is
someone prone to value others’ opinions above his or her own.
This often is the case with the person who is fearful to break
off a bad relationship. A woman, for example, is pursued by a
man who makes every effort to win her affection. After giving it
fair consideration, she concludes that the relationship isn’t
right for her. Yet he persists, claiming that he has a better
understanding of things. He may even insist that he knows that
God wills for them to be together. She wonders in all honesty if
he is right. And since he is a stronger personality than she,
it’s easy to cave in to his persuasion. Again, my counsel to her
is, “Trust your judgment.”
Typically, this advice is greeted with some
surprise. “Doesn’t Scripture teach us not to trust our
personal judgment?” people ask. “Doesn’t Proverbs 3:5 tell us
not to rely on our own understanding?”
I confess I wince a bit when I mete out this
advice. Years of conditioning have left me with the same
knee-jerk reaction to hearing “trust your judgment.” It’s
typically taught in Christian circles that this is precisely
what we shouldn’t do. If we’ve been a Christian for any
time, we’ve probably heard this notion preached so often that we
feel irreverent even questioning it or considering whether
there’s another side to the story.
A Two-Sided Coin
Indeed, on one level Scripture does
advise us to be skeptical about our own judgment. Proverbs 3:5-7
declares, “Trust in the LORD with all your
heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways
acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be
wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and
shun evil.”
Yet the Proverbs also prod us to develop the
ability to make wise decisions. Admonitions to seek wisdom
permeate the Proverbs. While these are given to challenge us to
grow in wisdom, they do show that gaining sound insight is a
realizable goal. Consider Proverbs 3:13-14: “Blessed is the man
who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is
more profitable than silver and yields better returns than
gold.” That statement and many like it throughout the Proverbs
suggest that it’s possible to exercise good judgment, at least
if certain conditions are met.
Even more significant is Paul’s assurance
that we who follow Christ have “the mind of Christ” (1 Cor
2:16). This is a remarkable promise about the possibility of
showing good judgment. Having the mind of Christ does not mean
that our insights are infallible. Yet it does mean that we’re
beginning from an exceptional position of strength in our effort
to make good decisions. As we make the right effort to clear our
field of vision, we may be confident that we’re seeing clearly
to take steps of faith.
What do we need to do, then, to reach this
point of confidence about our judgment? Here are several
guidelines to keep in mind.
Question your first impressions. We ought to have an
inherent distrust of our first impressions. Ironically, it’s
those who find it possible to doubt their own judgment who are
most capable of finally making competent decisions. But most
often it’s our initial assumptions that need to be called
into question.
We each have been influenced far more than
we realize by ideals of our secular and Christian cultures that
hit wide of the mark of how God sees our lives. Programmed
is a better word for it, for this influence strongly affects our
standards of judgment. It’s this internal programming that so
often triggers our initial perceptions and renders them
misleading.
Take “love at first sight,” for instance.
The romantic attraction that we first feel for someone—or the
absence of it—often tells us little about our true compatibility
with that person or our potential for a successful long-term
relationship. In one survey 1,000 happily married individuals
were asked whether, when they first met the one to whom they’re
now happily married, they believed this was the right person for
them. A full eighty percent responded no. It took time for them
to move beyond their initial impressions and appreciate the true
potential of the other person—and the relationship.*
It’s the same principle that writers,
artists and other creative people almost always discover,
sometimes the hard way. Writers often find that their first
draft of a manuscript, no matter how lovingly nurtured, does not
communicate effectively. A second or third revision makes all
the difference. Artists have the same experience. Consider the
testimony of Yasho Kumiyoshi:
I have often obtained in painting
directly from the object that which appears to be the real
results at the very first shot, but when that does happen, I
purposely destroy what I have accomplished and redo it over and
over again. In other words, that which comes easily I distrust.
When I have condensed and simplified sufficiently, I know then
that I have something more than reality.*
Questioning our initial assumptions can be
painful. Yet it’s a critical beginning point in approaching any
major decision. This, I’m convinced, is the concern underlying
Proverbs 3:5-7. By urging us not to lean on our own
understanding the writer is saying, “Don’t be too quick to take
your gut instincts and first impressions uncritically.”
Get the facts. We also need to make a reasonable effort
to get the facts and weigh them carefully. This is the second
condition for good judgment.
When we look at the many proverbs that
stress seeking wisdom, we find them pressing us to be diligent
thinkers. They implore us to get pertinent information and
prudently sift through it. “If you call out for insight and cry
aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will
understand the fear of the LORD and find
the knowledge of God” (Prov 2:3-5).
Our effort to gain insight in any important
matter should not be halfhearted, the proverb stresses. We
should seek the best information we can, consider it carefully
and allow time for our insights to season. While the proverb
clearly prompts us in this direction, it also assures us that we
can be successful in this search. With the right effort, it
promises, “you will find the knowledge of God”—or the insight
of God. The verse that follows adds, “For the LORD
gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and
understanding.”
This assurance that we can reach the point
of judging wisely is vital to keep in mind, for it cautions us
against endlessly analyzing a decision. While God calls us to be
responsible decision makers, he urges us to be good stewards of
our time as well. The point comes when we should assume as a
matter of faith that he has given us adequate insight to decide
correctly. We should make a reasonable effort to get the
facts and reflect on them. Then in faith we should trust that
God has provided us enough information to make our decision.
Two people, for instance, who have dated
seriously for two or three years, and have discussed the
possibility of marriage for nearly this long, have usually gone
well beyond making this reasonable effort. Typically they are at
a saturation point of information. If you are in this position,
the question to consider is whether by waiting longer you are
likely to gain some radically new insight that will help your
decision. If the answer is no, then you are at the point where a
choice should be made. It makes sense now to trust your
judgment—provided you are seeking the Lord’s direction to begin
with.
Pray for guidance. This brings us to the third condition
for good judgment—the need to pray for wisdom. Throughout the
Proverbs we’re told that wisdom and clear insight are a gift of
God. In light of this, James 1:5 commands us, “If any of you
lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all
without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Here again, though, the guiding word is
reasonable. Make a reasonable effort to pray for
insight. Remember that James promises that if we pray for
wisdom, “it will be given.”
Praying excessively for guidance may indicate that I don’t
believe God is honoring his promise to provide it.
While many Christians don’t take prayer
seriously enough, some become obsessive about praying. It’s
striking that most of the significant prayers recorded in
Scripture are brief. Even in Gethsemane, with the
momentous events to follow, Jesus didn’t instruct his disciples
to pray endlessly but for “an hour” (Mt 26:40). This is
liberating to consider, for it suggests that an hour may be a
reasonable period to spend praying over a critical matter. Jesus
was certainly not suggesting a rigid or legalistic time frame in
telling his disciples to pray for an hour, for the ancients did
not have the precise time measurements we have today. Yet his
advice does provide a general benchmark to follow in praying
over a significant concern.
If you are facing a major decision—perhaps
about a career change, a relationship or your involvement in
your church—and have made a reasonable effort to get the facts
and consider them, let me urge you now to give some attention to
seeking God’s direction. Set aside a period of uncluttered
time—an hour, perhaps—and choose a quiet spot where you’re not
likely to be interrupted. Pray earnestly for God’s insight. Ask
him, too, for courage to step forward in faith as he directs
you.
Then believe in faith that God is giving you
the grace to think clearly. Trust your judgment. Go ahead and
make your best choice. If in all honesty it seems that you still
don’t have enough information to decide, then don’t force the
decision. Choose to stay tentative—but make that definite choice
with confidence.
But if there is reasonable evidence that you
should move in a certain direction, then opt to do so, asking
God to make it abundantly clear if you’re not choosing the best
course. Then move ahead confidently, even if some doubts remain.
Look for substantial certainty but not perfect certainty.
Beyond Mood Swings
If you’re one who is indecisive or
analytical by nature, realize that there are some important
benefits to your temperament. It gives you the energy and
patience to carefully plod through all the angles of a decision.
But realize the drawbacks it presents for you as well. You may
be prone to overanalyze a decision or wait for a measure of
“perfect peace” that isn’t reasonable to expect before taking a
major step.
Take confidence in knowing that if you are a
child of Christ, God has given you the mind of Christ. He has
put within you the capacity to make good judgments. Honor him by
taking that ability seriously. And enjoy the incomparable
adventure of decision making.
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